a lesson in bravery
by MissingMommy
Summary: "You can't stop living your life because he's dead. You have to live for him. He would want you to go back" :: Dennis, Nigel, and dealing with grief. :: For Karyn.


For Karyn. I hope you enjoy this.

Word count: 2018

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As Dennis knocks on his aunt's door, he feels jittery inside. It's been months since he's seen his parents and years since he actually visited his relatives. He wrings his hands and shifts his weight from one foot to the other, trying not to feel that familiar rush of adrenaline. And as the seconds rush by, he gets more anxious.

After a few long moments, the door swings open to reveal his aunt. Relief spreads through his body because he knows that the war ended and his family is safe. She moves out the doorway, motioning him inside, as she calls loudly for her sister-in-law.

Dennis knows he looks much different. The months on the run have taken their toll. His once short, brown hair is now beneath his ears, and there's quite a bit of facial hair. He should've cleaned up, but he was too thrilled to be able to see his family again to even consider wasting another moment.

Before he can reach the doorway of the living room, his mother is pulling him a hug. He lets the first real grin cross his face and thinks that he really missed home. "It's over, mum," he tells her triumphantly. "Harry Potter won." His mother finally pulls back and meets his eyes, and his grin fades away. His mother's eyes are red and there are dried tear streaks down her pale cheeks.

"Oh, Dennis," she murmurs. Her tone says it all, though. She thought he was dead.

"What's going on?" he demands.

He furrows his eyebrows in confusion as he notices his father for the first time. His father pulls him into a tight hug. "Why don't you get cleaned up?" his father asks him, clearly trying to avoid the subject.

He repeats his question, refusing to move. His eyes dart back and forth between his parents, trying to understand what they aren't saying. But they don't say a thing. Finally, he asks, "Where's Colin?" His mother starts to cry again, and that's when Dennis has his answer. He shakes his head in denial. "No," he whispers. "Colin said we would meet up here after it was over."

Before he can say anything, his father moves to comfort him. But Dennis backs away, disbelief still written clearly on his face. "Colin swore he would be here," he repeats. His father moves toward him again, but Dennis refuses to let anyone near him. "This is a mistake," he whispers. "Colin _isn't_ dead. He promised," he says louder. "He _promised_."

"We got word three days ago," his father says softly, when he realizes that Dennis doesn't want comfort. Pulling a worn-looking letter out of his pocket, he offers it to his son.

Dennis takes the parchment and sees _The Creevey Family _written in black ink. If it was a letter from Hogwarts, the writing would be emerald; if it was from the Ministry, it would blood red. Even though he knows it's from neither, he opens it anyways. At the bottom, his best friend's name is signed. And as badly as he wants to tear the paper into shreds and declare that Nigel is lying, he knows Nigel would never lie about anything this important.

When it sinks in, a tear streaks down his face and he falls to the ground. "I should've stopped him," he says guiltily.

His mother kneels next to him, and tries to put her arm around him. But Dennis shies away from it again. "It's not your fault, Dennis," she tells him.

Dennis shakes his head in disagreement. "I knew it would be dangerous. I knew there was a chance that he would get hurt. And I still let him go without protest." He pauses for a moment. "I tried to go with him. But he told me that I should start to head here, that we would meet up after it was over. I listened to him."

"You did the right thing," his mother assures him.

"Then why doesn't it feel that way?" he asks. His voice is pleading for an answer that he knows that it won't make him feel any better.

She stands. "Because doing the right thing doesn't always meet you feel right about it," she answers him. And as Dennis suspected, it doesn't make him feel any less guilty. "But Colin was right. Losing one son is extremely hard, but losing both of you would have been unbearable," she says softly before leaving the living room. Not for the first time, Dennis is thankful that his mother understands exactly what he needs.

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He walks to the park that he always visited as child with Colin, back before Hogwarts and the war. His hands are stuffed in his pockets. It's been a while since he was in fresh clothes or even showered properly. Being on the run wasn't kind on him, but he just showers and changes, unwilling to change his appearance as he's gotten too accustom to it over the months.

On his favorite park bench is his best friend, Nigel. He's taller than Dennis' five foot ten frame, with strawberry blond hair and bright eyes. But his eyes speak of seeing too much and Dennis understands. The war has a way of taking innocence and of showing unspeakable horrors. While his battle on the run was beyond terrifying, Dennis heard briefly about the Carrows reign when they had run into others on the run.

"Dennis," Nigel greets him with a nod of his head. As Dennis takes a seat on the bench, he's thankful that Nigel doesn't say anything else. Nigel doesn't offer his condolences and he doesn't tell Dennis that it's going to be alright, because Nigel knows that Dennis doesn't want it.

"I'm glad you came," Dennis finally says.

Nigel flashes Dennis a sad smile. "Anything for you," he replies. After a few moments, Nigel shuffles through his bag and produces a camera. The camera is, undeniably, Colin's; Dennis would recognize the plain black camera with silver trim anywhere. Nigel holds it for a second before offering it to him. "They found this in his pocket," he says softly. "I thought you might like to have it. I figured that he would've been working on the same roll as before the…" Nigel breaks off, but Dennis knows what he's trying to say.

He takes the camera gingerly. Through the tears, he gives Nigel a watery smile. "Thank you," he whispers, clutching the camera closely. It's the only thing of Colin's that Dennis wanted, and to have it in his hands is a glorious feeling.

"Are you going to develop it?" Nigel asks.

But Dennis shakes his head. He knows that Colin would've charmed his camera to take pictures while he was fighting. And the pictures before that are of them in various places while on the run. Dennis, however, is too much of a coward to even think about viewing them. Without hesitation, Dennis pulls the undeveloped film out of the camera.

"Colin's last moments could quite possibly be on here," he says, inspecting the film. "I don't think I could look at them. But I know that I can't destroy them either." He offers it to Nigel. "Keep ahold of it for me?"

Nigel looks like he wants to protest, but he takes the film from Dennis anyways. "You can have it back anytime you want." Dennis nods and murmurs his thanks. "What are best friends for?" Nigel asks with a grin.

Dennis doesn't grin, and Nigel doesn't know if he ever will again.

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He meets up with Nigel often as Nigel is his only connection to the Wizarding World. Nigel always meets him in the park, on the same bench. They talk about the new laws being passed and the Death Eaters' trails, and how Harry defended Draco Malfoy and his mother, effectively saving them from Azkaban.

Occasionally, though, Nigel talks about how the reconstruction of Hogwarts is going. "At this rate, Professor McGonagall thinks that Hogwarts will be ready to open next September," Nigel says.

Dennis hums his acknowledgement. "That's good," he says emotionlessly. But Nigel knows by his tone of voice that Dennis is anything but happy. Dennis hasn't been happy in months.

"With the war over, Muggleborns will be allowed back at Hogwarts," Nigel announces. There's a long pause before he asks what he's truly wondering. "Are you going to go back?"

Giving him a sad glance, Dennis shakes his head. "I don't know. Probably not. I think of Colin when I think of Hogwarts, and I'm not so sure I'm ready to face that every day."

Nigel stands, and pats Dennis on the shoulder. "You have to accept it sometime, Dennis." Without another word, Nigel leaves him in the park by himself.

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One year. Three hundred and sixty-five days. And some days, it doesn't feel like it's been that long and others, it feels like it's been even longer. Dennis stands in front of his brother's headstone. He has no more tears to cry because he's cried them all already. He feels empty.

"I'm sorry," he finally whispers to the headstone, even though he knows it won't talk back. "I should've gone with you. I should've been there." He falls silent because the headstone has heard it all from him over the last twelve months, and repeating it will get him nothing but an aching throat.

In his hand is the undeveloped film that he had Nigel hold onto for him. "I'm going to develop them," he tells the headstone decisively. "You always wanted to have your story remembered and this," he says, holding up the film. "This holds your last moments. I know you would want them known."

"For a while, I was terrified of the thought of seeing them. But it's what you would've wanted," Dennis murmurs. "But I know you. You want the world to know."

Later that night, Dennis develops the film – half like normal and the other half, the battle half, in a Wizarding solution. He brings to life the battle without glancing at the pictures themselves. He's just not ready to see the last pictures Colin ever took.

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It's mid-August when his Hogwarts letter comes for the first time in three years. He's sitting across from his parents, picking at his breakfast. His owl taps on the window, startling him. His hands tremble as he takes the letter.

He shakes his head and drops the letter, heading for the door. He ignores his parents' calls, and just lets his feet take him wherever they want. He walks aimlessly for a few hours before ending up in the graveyard.

Tears streak down his face, as he just sits on the ground in front of his brother's headstone. "I thought I could do it, Colin. But I can't. I can't go back to the place where you died, where you were murdered," he says brokenly. "I thought I could. But I know I won't be able to stop thinking about it, about how you died. And I can't handle that. I'm not brave enough."

"No, Dennis. You are brave enough to do that; you just don't realize it." Dennis turns around quickly at the sound of a voice. Behind him is standing his best friend. "Your parents told me where you would be," he answers the unsaid question, while holding up his own letter. "You can't stop living your life because he's dead. You have to live for him. He would want you to go back."

Dennis shakes his head. "Don't." There's a long pause before Dennis says anything else. "Don't tell me what he would've wanted. You don't know what he would've wanted," he growls angrily.

"No," Nigel agrees. "I don't know. But I do know that magic is what Colin loved. And he was glad that he got to share that with you. I don't think he would want you to give up something that made you both smile because it hurt you too."

Closing his eyes, Dennis breaths in, "You're right." Nigel smiles. "I should go back to Hogwarts."

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End file.
